Running Gags

''An alphabetical list of popular running gags on the show. Stories about celebrities are all alleged.''


 * Cesar Romero's Orange Fetish
 * Cesar Romero would stand in a bucket of warm water up to his ankles, bend over, pull his pants down, and have young men throw oranges at his ass. Sometimes it was even tangerines!
 * Danny Thomas' Glass Table
 * Danny Thomas would lay down underneath a glass table (sometimes in a priest's frock) and masturbate while hookers above him would shit on it.
 * Alan Ladd
 * According to Ronnie Schell, Mr. Ladd had a thing for holding a chicken, dancing naked in a circle of women who sang "You've simply got to f&*k that chicken!"
 * Jerry Lewis Was Always Nice to Me
 * Jerry Lewis was, apparently, always nice to Gilbert.
 * Paul Lynde
 * "One of the producers on the Hollywood Squares when I was on was a producer for the original. And he told me that Paul Lynde was an anti-Semite. He'd get bombed out of his skull, and say 'Oh those f*&in' Jews! They're the reason I don't have a career!'"
 * Pat McCormick Helicopter Story
 * Pat and a group of other luminaries would try to outdo each other with elaborate lunches. Pat gave each a sandwich (some say it was tuna fish) and flew them in a helicopter over their house where a hooker would blow them. When Gilbert ran into Tim Conway years later, Gilbert asked him if he had ever heard a story about Pat M---  But before he could even get the whole name out, Tim Conway asked, "Helicopter?"